Before I Was Here

We’ve all heard of the near death experience (NDE). I began hearing stories of the ‘phenomena’ in the media in the 1970’s. Controversial at the time but by the 21st century it has become accepted within the scientific and religious communities as well as across the general public as something that does indeed happen.  A google search on “books about near death experiences” yields a bit over 96 billion hits. Reading of other’s NDEs can be very inspiring and brings hope to many who themselves or their friends and family are facing the end of their lives.  Reading the stories of people who have all manner of spiritual experiences can be helpful not only in providing hope for the beyond but also in triggering our own sacred memories.  The experience I write of here is not a near death experience however…mine is a “before life experience”; the experience of coming into my body, of becoming a conscious human and of the beginning of a journey that goes from lifetime to lifetime and star system to star system.

Where was I before I was here?  It’s been a question I’ve been asking since a very small child. Spurred by the memory of an experience which for a number of years I had thought was just a dream.  It is one of my most enduring memories that over time has not faded rather its become more clear. 

It goes like this: I am in the kitchen of my childhood home.  I am up at ceiling level above where the refrigerator would stand, a kitchen scene plays out below. To the right a woman stands with her back to the room, she is at the stove.  A girl sits at the table and she is facing me, to my left is where I am going.  I am floating downward from what I believe in the dream is the refrigerator, large and bright white.  I’m seeing the girl again, with long brownish blondish hair and brown eyes and I say or think (probably think), 

“Oh, look who is here.”  

I am very happy by it too.  I have a recollection of turning back toward the refrigerator, large and bright white, and I say or think, 

“I will remember this time, I will not forget this time.” 

I also see another being to my right, tall and slender but can’t make out much more.

I get closer to this body that I am to become and once I reach the destination the veil drops and I’m me, “sonia”. I have no memory following that until the next experience around age 4.

What did I mean by “remember”, “not forgetting” and “this time”? It was not words that I spoke but more like thought being transferred. Telepathic.  Who was I speaking to?  What does this mean? “Where was I before I was here?  Why isn’t everyone asking where they were before they were here?” “Why do people worry about where they are going when they die? They need to be thinking about where they were before they were here!” 

I had thought I was age 3 in the “dream” but in recent years meditation has helped me clarify that it is actually when I am born or very shortly after. This experience was in my psyche from the start and it was later infused with language and imagery as I attained those skills. As soon as there was language I could ascribe to the event I did and that is what became memory. The memory does seem to remain at that childlike level for most of my life.  

 Over time I’ve gained some clarity within the memory.  My spiritual quest began about 7 years ago with the appearance of many orbs that I could capture on video.  That began my seeking.  I wanted to know what and why they were around.  Since I have studied esoteric spirituality and mysticism, energy and crystal healing, channeling and meditation.  Today I am in continual contact with those spiritual beings or angelic forces that are a part of my soul group.  They have not steered me wrong yet and they cheer me on this current venture of sharing my story.

With the help of The Beautiful Many or Benevolent Beings (which is how I refer to them and they also have names) I have been able to clarify the memory and see more detail.  The clarifications were regarding the time period, I was not 3 I was being born; the figure to the right has come into focus and well, it is not human, but it is Divine.

 I am up very high, higher than the ceiling.  Below me is what appears to be a hospital ward with one bed sitting solitary at the back end of a long ward.  A light shines down on this one bed, I do not notice any other patients in beds.  That is where I am headed…to that solitary bed.  I am traveling down toward the one that I am to become and I see a girl facing me.  There is a woman sitting up in that bed, her hair is dark and piled on her head or short and puffed up, I do not see her face. Standing next to her bed is the very young girl with long blondish brown hair.  I think to myself, 

“Oh look who is here,”  

and I am happy for it. I look back and up, the direction I floated from, and there are 3 beings with me as I say,

“I will remember this time, I will not forget this time,”

So it was not the kitchen but a hospital ward. What I had thought was a kitchen table was actually a hospital bed.  And now I know I am not alone as I come into this body.  There are others with me. When I first discovered this in meditation the beings were shapeless forms. In later meditations they are like bright flickering light, and bright with colors. I do not get a sense of bodies or faces but I do feel one on either side and one behind me.  Do I have sides if I am not in my body? Today I am able to see more forms than the original 3…but I’m still working to get a clear image. All of them appearing as light forms throwing off prisms of color.  I have a sense of discussion, instruction and or guidance from these beings. I know that what I am to do will be difficult and lonely but I really want to be doing it…there is a sense of duty mixed with a deep desire. I know that I am to not give up and never, ever kill myself because I will want to see how this story ends.  

Also the tall, slender figure has come into greater focus; she is various shades of blue, yes, she is a she…her eyes are large and almond shaped and I see a smile on her lips.  I notice her back has something on it…is that feathers? wings? and suddenly she spreads them out – yes she is winged.  She is present not just for me but for others as well; perhaps for my sister or my mother or both. I call her AzúI  and know her as my Guardian Angel, perhaps my Higher Self.  Iknow in time and with deep meditation and prayer more will come.

“I will remember this time, I will not forget this time” 

That is my response to this guidance. I set an intention coming into this incarnation to REMEMBER why I was here.  I stacked the deck with a memory that would not die.  This “before life” counseling session from my guides seems to have set my moral compass and my personality.  Beginning in childhood I did not like secrets, I never could keep one either and everyone knows I still can’t. I did not like lies and not just because I was bad at it, which I was…but there was something about lying that would break me on the inside, I’d feel betrayed and regaining trust takes a very long time. It made me very sad if I found out a lie or to see another person be bullied or cheated.  

I told this story to a shamanic healer during a session. It was she who mentioned to me, after hearing this story, that I might be a wanderer. That I may have incarnated from an ET soul, a different start eternity system.  About this same time I and perhaps it was the shamanic work itself but orbs began to show up in my pictures and videos with great frequency.   All these colorful, different sized and multi-colored orbs flying about sent me seeking more answers.

Today there are hundreds of spiritually channeled works, including the Bible, that do help clear up my questions.  From understanding my before life experience, to orbs to being a wanderer, and more I’ve discovered from various channeled material and a plethora of ET researchers and UFOlogists.  I am learning in this process that it is time to break the historic cycles, not by denying they happened but by forgiving them. My spirit guides tell me it is not important that people believe or even read my story…it is important that I tell it, that I put it out there in some formal way.

I write this in the hope that it might trigger the before life experience of the reader.  Or validate for another experiencer that they are not “the only one”.  We are all individual souls on personal journeys within this collective but with a common goal, Ascension into a higher density realm. Do not expect your experience to match another’s precisely…mine is not “near death” mine is “before birth” but because I could not describe a time that I may have died I blocked myself off from realizing the magic of the memory.  So do not compare yourself…know that many manifestations of benevolence are occurring. Your guides and angels will speak to you through your own experiences, language, knowledge and belief systems.  Know this as well when interpreting another’s experience as you listen to the stories others have to tell.

There will be those that will believe this an attempt to get attention. There will be those that will believe this story, and others to follow; to be the musings of the deluded. There will be those that think I’m making it up. There will be those that will call me egotistical, arrogant or grandiose.  To “those” I say, you are a blessed and loved child of the Creator and I love you too.

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In Gratitude